Ghost In The Darkness

At our Halloween party I gave a graveyard tour, out the back of our house. Roma took this picture. Amazing how magical a camera can be at a certain point. Can you see the apparition flowing from me like a spectre?

Blue Skies Ahead

Staring. Just staring at the screen. Need water. A holiday. Oh wait, I got one coming up next week. So much to do before then, just can’t focus today. Yesterday was better. I did loads yesterday.

Today I can’t stop thinking about the future. It’s empty, and so, physically, am I. What’s next? We talked about it briefly today, and that’s what Cuba is for. For now, I don’t know, all I can think about is the recent past. I’m trying to let it sink in. It hasn’t. I can’t believe we got all of that into one festival, and that so many people came. The only downside was so few of my closest friends being there when I could enjoy it, at the very end, after the work. A decade of my life and the vast majority of people there were friends I’d made doing this. Those from before were not. That made me sad. Work, family, no word. Whatever. I had no one from who I was to share with who I had become. But only the physicality of the event I’d done made me feel bad. If I had the energy I would have glossed over it. Because.

The achievement was immense. So many achievements this year, on top of the previous ten. I can go away happy that I did my best. That we did all we could.

What am I most looking forward to in Cuba? Well, us time. Time to recharge, reconnect, chat about the future, about what we did, and come back ready for 2010 knowing intimately that we are on the same page, that we still share the same dreams and goals 10 years down the line of running a company together.

There are opportunities with the comedy show, and the feature film, and our work-a-day film education work has some great projects lined up. We will keep fighting to earn a living, and forging a feature film career. We don’t know any other way.

I’m tired. I’m listening to Elliott Smith. I’m waiting for a dear friend to pop by.

2 of our housemates, our Houston cousins left to go home today. We are sad. Roma is sad. I’m sad that when I go away, for a fortnight, the longest I’ve been away from her ever, that she will be alone, and like they were for Filmstock, a lot of our friends will be too busy to make sure she is ok. I know the ones that will look after her. I love them. Dearly.

When I’m back I’m turning a spare room into a writing room, and music den. I’m gonna put a Filmstock commemorative artwork up. To further inspire me.

I’ve made amazing friends through Filmstock, up to and including this last year. I met my wife through Filmstock.

I’ve felt crushed at times under the pressure of being the only film outlet for people. I need to get my strength and focus back. I’ve been physically sick over the lack of respect we’ve received locally. And I need to recover from that.

Would I change any of it? No. We kicked it. We smashed it. And I can’t wait for what is next.

If you were there, thank you. For any or all or some or a moment of it. I love you. Wait til you see what I do next.

I’m empty, following Filmstock 11. Recharging with music. Currently thinking of my top 5 album openers, playing the old High Fidelity game. Here, before that, are my top 5 closers, full Filmstock blog to follow. At some point. Maybe.

Cop Shoot Cop - Spiritualized / Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space

When The Music’s Over - The Doors / Strange Days

Won’t Get Fooled Again - The Who / Who’s Next

I Am The Resurrection - The Stone Roses / The Stone Roses

New York I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down - LCD Soundsystem / Sound Of Silver